Betrayal
by Ginger Glinda the Tangerine
Summary: A series of short reflections on Mimi and Benny's various betrayals. Rated for... bitterness? RogerMimi, AlisonBenny.
1. Mimi and Benny

_A/N: I recently read an excellent book called _The Post-Birthday World_ by Lionel Shriver. It's a little _Sliding Doors_, showing two possible futures generated from a single decision. The parallels and repetitions of dialogue in different contexts fascinated me, and got me thinking about parallels in our own beloved RENT... and so I bring you this! :D Be warned: it gets very, very bitter._

...

They met in alleyways, in shady bars, even a few times in the dressing rooms at the Cat Scratch. And she always felt guilty, of course; although the pleasure she derived from her dalliances slightly outweighed the feeling of shame that overtook her when she returned to Roger, head bowed apologetically, and mumbled something about meeting her mother, or running errands for a flu-stricken Maureen and Joanne. Usually her lies even contained some truth: Joanne had once called her apartment and asked her to pick up some aspirin on her way to work. Was it her fault that The Man's main hangout was so close to the nearest drugstore?

Yet each time the needle sank into her skin, Mimi couldn't help but feel anguished at how well she managed to deceive Roger. He wanted so badly for things to work between them – in every spontaneous bouquet of flowers or passionate kiss lingered the spectre of April. Roger refused to let his relationship with Mimi follow the same path.

And Mimi wanted things to work out too. She really did. She just needed a little extra sustenance besides Roger's romantic gestures. No amount of rose petals strewn across the bedroom floor could make her forget the singular sensation of a sweating, pushing-fifty, balding businessman's fingers slipping a creased bill into her underwear. Mimi _needed_ to get high just to get home from work without bursting into angry, degraded tears.

But since Roger, the high had never been as sweet. Every time she let the needle slip from her fingers and her mind slip into oblivion, Roger's eyes floated before her, hurt and accusing and angry.

…

They met in alleyways, in shady bars, strip clubs, sometimes even outside his office. And he always felt guilty, of course; although the satisfaction he derived from his dalliances slightly outweighed the feeling of shame that overtook him each time her returned to Alison, head bowed apologetically, and excused himself with stories of meeting a client, or having to plead with the electricity company on behalf of Mark and Roger again. The stories were so usual, constructed so carefully from the truth, that Alison accepted them without question. Sometimes he even simply omitted details rather than outright lying. Was it his fault that clients occasionally insisted on adjourning to the Cat Scratch Club after a meeting?

Yet each time the opened the door of another seedy hotel room, Benny couldn't help but feel a little ashamed at how well he managed to fool Alison. She wanted so badly for their marriage to be happy, and not just for their own sakes –in every lovingly prepared dinner or expensive suit lingered the shadow of her family, who despite priding themselves on their non-conservatism, still harboured a buried, inbred resentment of the fact that their daughter had married a black man.

And Benny wanted things to work out too. He really did. He just needed a little extra… sustenance besides Alison's loving, yet safe and habitual, affection. No amount of shoulder massages could make him forget his longing for the days before he "sold out", when he deigned to be seen in public looking less than a million dollars, when life had been uncertain and therefore dangerous and exciting. Benney needed something to remind him of how life could be, and if mindless sex was what did it, he would be the last to complain.

But since he and Alison had married, his conquests had never seemed as sweet. Every time he let himself slip between the legs of another nameless hooker, Alison's face floated before him, hurt and accusing and defeated.

...

_Reviews are nice._


	2. Roger and Alison

Suspicion left a sour taste in Roger's mouth, even when it was well-founded. Every time Mimi showed up late, and especially the times she didn't show up at all, his mind wandered into unbidden fantasies – although perhaps "fantasies" wasn't quite the right word, since fantasy implied pleasure – about what it was Mimi was doing. When she came home late, muttering a clichéd apology, all he could see was April. It was a comparison he hated, but one which seemed unavoidable.

What Roger lacked in happiness, however, he made up for in romance. He was spontaneous, passionate, loyal, attentive… but her continued absence made him bitter, and the fought about nothing. Roger would attempt to reunite with Mimi by being more romantic, more passionate, and so when she was late again or he caught her innocently "passing by" one of The Man's places, he only got more hurt and angry.

Betrayal is a vicious cycle.

Yet on the other hand, Roger could never bring himself to accuse Mimi outright. He skirted around the subject, mocking her excuses and making off-hand remarks layered with subtext, but she either genuinely didn't catch on or refused to. Either way, Roger was terrified of being right, and so kept his mouth shut.

It was even more painful to think that Mimi might be shooting up without him. Though Roger had given up heroin, and vowed never to go back, there was still a tiny part of him that missed it, that still wanted its false happiness, that was angry not because Mimi was lying to him, but because she wasn't inviting him to join her. That part usually lost Roger's internal battles.

What Mimi didn't understand, he knew, was that drugs, intrinsically linked to April, represented all the most painful and haunting memories of his life. They were a symbol of all the darkest parts of him, and his triumph over addiction had made him a different person, if not perhaps a better one. For Mimi to bring drugs back into his life was to link their relationship, which was good and healthy and beautiful, with turmoil and despair. And the one thin Roger could not stand, even in something as simple as a wrong note, was the destruction of beauty.

He tried to search Mimi's face for some clue that he was wrong, that his suspicion was unfounded, but all he ever saw was affection. And that only made his guilt worse. If Roger believed something of Mimi that wasn't true, just who was betraying who?

…

Suspicion left a sour taste in Alison's mouth, especially if it wasn't well-founded. Yet every time she waited for Benny to come home late, her mind ran wild with nightmares about what he could be getting up to. And when he did eventually arrive, apologising profusely, all she heard in his detailed explanations was her father's resounding "I told you so". Benny had never entirely won Mr. Grey's approval, especially with that Avenue B housing protest debacle at Christmas, and Alison's entire family was virtually counting the months until the marriage broke up. It was a situation she hated, but with Benny's habit of staying at the office late, one which seemed unavoidable.

What Alison lacked in happiness, however, she made up for in affection. She was loving, caring, loyal, attentive… but Benny's continued absence made her nervous and emotional, and they bickered over nothing. She would attempt to patch things up by being more wifely, more attentive, and so when he got home late again, or called her from a bar, she only got more hurt and suspicious.

Betrayal is a vicious cycle.

Yet on the other hand, Alison could never bring herself to accuse Benny outright, even in her own mind. She skirted around the subject, not asking for details about his "business meetings" or calling unexpectedly, afraid of what she might learn. She was terrified of being right, and so kept her mouth shut.

It was even more painful to think that Benny might really be in meetings or talking to clients. There was a tiny part of Alison that considered coming second to work even worse than coming second to another woman. She had always been secondary to her father's business, and having the same problem for the rest of her life seemed unbearable. That part usually lost her internal battles.

What Benny didn't understand, she knew, was that her feelings for him were still, to some extent, bound up in her feelings for her father. Her feelings as she sat alone at the dining table with a meal that served two were eerily similar to those she had experienced waiting outside school until dusk for Mr. Grey to pick her up, because both he and Alison's mother had been caught up with unexpected appointments and forgotten her. For Benny to bring loneliness into their relationship, which was good and healthy and beautiful, was to drive Alison away. And the one thing Alison had always longed to be was wanted.

She tried to search Benny's face for some clue that she was wrong, that her suspicion _was_ totally unfounded, but all she ever saw was affection. And that only made her guilt at suspecting him worse. If Alison believed something of Benny that wasn't true, just who was betraying who?


	3. Epilogue

Mimi was secretly shooting up.

Benny was cheating on Alison.

And yet, when she and Roger learned of Mimi and Benny's betrayal, there was still in each of their minds a lingering note of guilt. Had they never suspected, maybe things would have worked out all right. Or, more likely, the eventual discovery of Mimi and Benny's deceit would have been even more painful.

Betrayal is vicious.

And Alison was empowered by she and Benny's divorce, and started her own highly successful real estate agency.

And Roger forgave Mimi for all her past deceptions, and let her wholly inside his heart for the brief time before she left him forever.

And the betrayal was swept under the rug, to linger there until it was forgotten, or remembered only with the aid of very strong alcohol.

And so everything worked out fine.

And they all lived happily ever after. Now go to bed, and never tell lies.

...

_What did you think? Could you follow it? Did you get it? xP Reviews are good. Thanks for reading!_


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